For some time now, I’ve been on hiatus from writing and traveling — two of the things I love the most. Not being able to travel, even just once a year, makes me incredibly sad. Since I don’t travel as often as I used to, I find myself reminiscing about my past adventures, hoping and praying that I’ll be able to travel again soon.
The reason for not writing or traveling is very personal: I am dealing with depression.
🌧️ What Depression Feels Like
Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive. Just trying to get through the day feels overwhelming. It’s not something you can easily talk about with friends or even family. Before you open up, you want to be sure the person will truly understand — often, only those who’ve been through it themselves do.
I never really talked to anyone about how I felt until one day, during lunch break, my friends began discussing a local musician who took his own life on video. Their reaction broke my heart. They said things like:
“Why did he do it? Doesn’t he know how lucky he is
compared to others?”
“He just needed to talk to someone.”
But in my mind, I wondered — if you can judge him so easily now, how could he have felt safe to talk about his depression?
🤐 Why It’s Hard to Open Up
People with depression are scared to talk about it. They worry about being judged or told to just “snap out of it.” I eventually spoke to my boyfriend. He listened and always told me he loved me and that everything would be okay. But deep inside, I felt like he was just saying those words, because how could he really understand how dark it felt inside me?
When you’re depressed, you see only the negative, even in the people who love you.
🌑 Living in a Dark Hole
My depression may not be as chronic as others’, but when you’re in that dark hole, you can’t think of anything good about yourself. You may smile, laugh with friends, go to work, and appear okay. But when you go home, it’s just you and your thoughts:
- “I’m ugly, fat, stupid.”
- “Why did I make so many wrong decisions?”
- “I hate myself.”
There are split seconds when you try to think of happy memories, but the darkness swallows them up.
💔 Please Understand Before You Judge
I don’t condone suicide, but everyone deals with pain differently. During the height of my depression, I never thought of ending my life, but I also didn’t care if something happened to me. I remember walking in the street so lost in my thoughts, I almost got hit by a car. I wasn’t aware of my surroundings — I was just… numb.
🕊️ How I Started Coping
🌱 Talk About It.
It’s not easy, but letting it out helps. Find someone you trust — a friend, a
loved one, a counselor. If you can’t talk to family because of shame, talk to
someone else. There is always someone willing to listen.
✨ Do Things You Love.
I slowly tried to write again. It’s hard when you have no will, but starting
small helped. One paragraph. One prayer. One walk outside.
🙏 Pray.
The only thing that truly helped me was prayer. Every day after work, I went to
church. I sat there and cried my heart out. I didn’t care who saw me. I knew
that in His presence, I wouldn’t be judged. I just cried and talked to Him,
over and over, until I felt a little lighter.
💛 My Gentle Reminder to You
I’m slowly getting over my depression. That’s why I’m writing this — to help others feel less alone and to open the eyes of those who judge so easily.
If you’re dealing with depression, please remember:
🫂 You are not alone.
🫧
You are not your thoughts.
🕊️
You are not hopeless.
✨ 💬 If you need someone to talk to, reach out to me. Even if we’re strangers, I will listen without judgment. Let’s spread love, kindness, and understanding — the world needs more of it. 🤍
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